


Dating Rules

by pupeez4eva



Series: Dating Advice [3]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Birdflash - Freeform, Damian being a little shit, Gen, Humor, M/M, batfam, protective!Damian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 16:20:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8168273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pupeez4eva/pseuds/pupeez4eva
Summary: Wherein Damian creates a list of dating rules for Wally and Dick, and Wally is once again struck by how utterly terrifying Damian Wayne is.





	

 

Wally wondered how he kept ending up in this position. He had super speed, so surely he should be able to make a quick getaway before the little Demon noticed him skulking around.

But he'd promised Dick he'd make an effort with the little brat, and Wally's love for Dick outweighed the mind numbing horror of dealing with Damian Wayne.

Damian had called him just moments ago, demanding that he come over, because he had something "urgent" to discuss with him. Wally had briefly considered running away to a different continent, and somehow convincing Dick to come with him, because urgent conversations with Damian Wayne usually ended with a lot of internal sobbing and screaming.

He'd ignored these urges, because he knew how much Dick adored the kid (he didn't understand that, but Dick had always been confusing, and Wally wouldn't change that for the world), and ignoring him probably wouldn't sit well with Dick. And come to think of it, moving to another continent wouldn't work either, because Dick was Damian's guardian now, and that would mean the brat would be coming with them.

Which was not happening. Ever.

So Wally had pulled on his metaphorical big-boy pants, and had run towards Gotham. Damian had been standing on the lawn, arms crossed over his chest, when he'd arrived, and Wally had briefly considered running in the opposite direction.

_'Think of Dick,'_ he'd thought, and had given Damian the brightest smile he could muster.

Damian had simply scowled at him, and snapped, "you're late," before leading him inside.

And that's how Wally found himself here, seated across from Damian, and silently dreading the upcoming conversation.

"So," Damian said, his eyes narrowed, "you're dating Grayson."

Wally felt a sense of relief at that. At least the kid had finally _accepted_ it. He still cringed when he remembered trying to inform the kid of that little tidbit of information.

"Yeah."

Damian's eyes narrowed further. He reached into his pocket and pulled something out — a piece of paper. He unfolded it, smoothed out the creases, and then looked back at Wally, his eyes cold.

Wally couldn't help but feel like shit was about to go down, and he wondered if the kid would notice if he quickly texted Dick. Perhaps something along the lines of, _'think your bro wants me dead help plz.'_

"Grayson is an idiot," Damian said cooly. Wally briefly considered defending his boyfriend, but then nodded his head because he valued his life. "After all, he refuses to remove those imbeciles, Todd and Drake, from our lives. Therefore, I highly doubt he'll be getting rid of _you_ anytime soon."

Damian's nose wrinkled in disgust, and Wally held back a grin.

"So — I've decided to set some ground rules. Grayson may be idiotic enough to keep you around, but I _refuse_ to allow you to interfere with our work here in Gotham. Grayson is Batman now, and while you may not understand the weight of that, _I_ certainly do."

"I'm the Flash," Wally said.

Damian scoffed. _"Please."_

He held the paper in front of him. "Listen _very_ carefully," he said. "You _will_ follow each and every one of these rules. I will not tolerate any mistakes. If you fail to uphold even one of these, I will kill you."

"You're not allowed to kill," Wally pointed out, trying to ignore the urge to _get the hell out of here._

"Then I will make you wish you were dead." Damian glanced back at the sheet of paper, and Wally took that time to mouth _'holy fuck,'_ and then cringe. Repeatedly.

"Firstly — no distracting him from his duties as Batman."

Wally nodded. Sure, that was easy enough right?

"Sure thing kid," he said, trying to sound as cheery as possible. "Anyway, I'm the Flash. I work with Batman, so if anything, I'm going to be helping him."

Damian scowled. "I'd feel better if you _weren't."_

What a charming kid.

"Second — you _will not_ hinder our efforts here in Gotham by 'helping.' Gotham is _our_ territory, and you and your…abilities are not welcome here."

"I'm _dating_ Dick!" Wally protested. "Obviously I'm going to be around!"

Damian's jaw clenched. "Yes, but when we are on patrol, you _will not_ interfere."

Oh. Well then. That actually didn't sound too bad — that was basically Bats' rule anyway, and even though Dick wasn't as strict about Metas helping out in Gotham, Bats had basically drilled it into the mindset of every hero and vigilante he'd ever come across, and Wally found it a bit hard to forget that. He almost expected the ghost of Bruce Wayne to push him off a building, or run him over with a ghostly version of the Batmobile if he even tried.

"Yeah, that sounds fine," he told Damian, who's scowl deepened. Big surprise there.

"Third," Damian continued, "you will, under no circumstance, spend the night at the manor. I will not tolerate your presence here."

Okay, that one kind of sucked. But Wally was sure he could sneak in undetected if he and Dick _really_ needed it.

…Probably.

"Four — whenever you want to organise a meet-up with Grayson, you will consult me first."

No. No _way._ Damian was a terrifying little shit, and Wally would rather sit here, nodding to everything, and then just _go,_ but — he was _not_ agreeing to that.

"Don't you think that's a bit much?" he asked, because he's pretty if he said what he was really thinking, he'd end up with a sword in his private parts.

"No."

Well, apparently that was that then. Oh well — Wally would speak to Dick about it later, and hopefully Dick would talk some sense into the little brat.

"Okay fine," Wally said, and was surprised to see that the little demon looked pleased. Huh. Well he did experience emotions other than anger, disgust, scorn, and hatred for speedsters then.

Damian glanced back at the list. "Number five — you must always make visits to Gotham. Grayson will stay out of _your_ city. He simply cannot waste time on useless trips."

Wally resisted the urge to visibly react, but — _really?_ So now, according to the little brat, he couldn't stay at the manor, but Dick couldn't come over to his place either. Oh yeah, he was speaking with Dick as soon as he got away from here, because otherwise he could kiss his sex life goodbye.

"Number six — avoid physical contact. Grayson needs to focus on his position as Batman, not be distracted by sexual urges."

Okay yeah, if Dick didn't get a handle of this, it'd seriously be goodbye to his sex life. Until Dick gave up, and shipped Damian off to boarding school of course, but knowing Dick, that would never happen.

"We're dating," he told Damian. "That makes us a couple. And couples…do stuff."

He tried not think about the kid saying 'sexual urges', because that was just _weird._

"Well then you'll simply have to refrain from doing so," Damian retorted stiffly. "Those childish tendencies will simply distract Grayson from fulfilling his duties, and Batman is supposed to be above such things."

Oh yeah sure. Batman was _definitely_ supposed to be better than all that, which was why Dick had spent a large part of their childhood complaining about Catwoman and Batman doing things he should never see _ever,_ or why Damian al Ghul Wayne was even a thing.

Yup — Batman was just _known_ for his sense of control.

"I actually think doing that stuff would, uh, _help_ Dick, don't you." Damian stared at him, and Wally shifted uncomfortably. "You know, because if, uh, _it_ was happening then he wouldn't have to…uh…think about…it…as much?"

Damian continued staring, and Wally resisted the urge to flinch. God, he did not want to be having this conversation with a ten year old.

"Fine," Damian said flatly. Wally blinked, because wow, had he actually won? "You may engage in sexual intercourse…once every three months perhaps."

…Yeah, he needed Dick, _now._

"So kid, are we done?" he asked, hoping his voice didn't sound as frustrated/horrified/desperate as it did to him.

"No," Damian snapped. "I have one more request, and this is the most important of them all. Break this rule and I will string you up, and castrate you. And then I will kill you. Slowly."

Wally had to commend himself for not flinching at that.

"You will not, _ever,_ break Grayson's heart, do you understand me?" Damian's eyes flashed dangerously, but Wally was too busy being surprised at the request to notice. "You _will not_ hurt him, or you will have _me_ to deal with."

There was a brief pause, and then Damian flushed, as if suddenly realising exactly what'd he'd said.

"…Because of his duties as Batman, of course," he added quickly. "He needs to be 100% focused, and if he is upset over _you_ , he will fail."

Wally felt his lips twitch slightly, and tried to resist the urge to smile. Judging from Damian's ever-deepening scowl, it hadn't worked.

"Sure thing kid," he said. And he meant it this time; at least there was something he and the brat agreed on.

...

"You were listening the whole time, weren't you?" Wally asked Dick, when he left the room, and found his boyfriend standing suspiciously close by.

"…Maybe."

"I hate you sometimes."

Dick grinned. "Careful. Don't let Damian hear you say that."

Wally groaned. "I thought the kid was going to kill me! Your brother is _terrifying_ do you know that?"

"Sure he is." Dick smiled affectionately. "But, I couldn't interrupt — that was just too cute."

Wally sighed, and shook his head. "You're insane, you know that?"

Dick shrugged, his grin widening, and Wally decided that yes — yes, Dick was insane (and he'd known that from the start, because the guy cackled like the Joker, and butchered the English language any chance he got) but he was Dick, Wally's best friend, the person he trusted most in this world, and he loved him.

"Oh, and you are _so_ talking to the kid about pretty much everything on that list," Wally added, because no way was he letting a ten year old — even one as terrifying as Damian Wayne — dictate his love life.

(Although Dick could totally handle that part).


End file.
